I don’t understand

I have been under a thunder cloud for a few weeks now (or is it months?) and all of my usual remedies are being deployed. I’ve been trying to lift myself up for so long that my remedies are becoming everyday coping skills. One remedy is a good old-fashioned lay about. As I said in my previous post, this past Sunday was nearly perfect. I didn’t have to interact with anyone, could do what I wanted with no restriction (and NOT do what I didn’t want to do, another important point), and I had a very quiet day (literally no noise).

I have been relaxing my expectations of the meals I prepare, the laundry I keep up with, and the interactions with my immediate family. Luckily my Mom accepts email as an acceptable form of communication. I can’t handle talking on the phone right now. Gawd that sounds dramatic, doesn’t it? I just want to relay info about what I’m doing right now, comment on what she’s doing right now, and not invite any scrutiny or inquiry.

Living with my medical condition means I have to regularly ask myself if my perception of my moods is accurate.

At least my work is picking up. I feel very nearly useful today.

I have been having morning battles with girl midget since she was about, oh, 3 years old. My goal is to stuff as much food into her as I can (a surprisingly small amount), get her dressed, brushed, and packed for school all by 8:10 am or so. Her goal (as far as I can see) is to take as long as possible to complete all of these steps, push me to the brink of intense frustration and generally make our mornings as unpleasant as possible so that we are in bad moods just like she is. These morning battles are different than the afternoon battles and evening battles in that the morning battles have specific time constraints. She has only so much time to get as much attention (good or bad, no matter) out of me before I drop her off at school. This process begins my days in a very unpleasant manner. Used to be she would start angrily SCREAMING Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! upon opening her eyes in the mornings. One morning I quietly went into her room, put my face right up to hers and yelled You! You! You! Then I asked the rhetorical question, Did she like that? No? It was an awful way to wake up? Gee, maybe you shouldn’t do it to me, either!

So now I’m wondering if I should act like her in the mornings. I will refuse to get out of bed for at least 30 minutes after I’m called, I will make people wonder where I am, and when I do get up I will insist everyone be quiet. I will speak in mumbled monosyllables during breakfast, and I will take a very long time to get dressed and brush my teeth. I will come downstairs with no socks and someone will have to get me a pair or else I will just sit on the couch not moving. During this entire production I will not smile, I will not speak loudly enough for someone in the next room or down the hallway to hear, and I will certainly not move quickly. In fact I will move as slowly as possible, as if it were a competition. Plus I might have a headache or a stomach ache that requires immediate attention. Sounds like fun. I don’t think I can pull this off. I am most definitely a morning person, and I also seriously doubt girl midget would notice me doing any of these things.

Speaking of competitions, boy midget and I used to compete to see who could get dressed the fastest. That was really fun. We also usually had a 4-minute dance party in the morning. Those are no more, since girl midget cries if the music is turned on. It’s as if she’s not a morning person!

Another solution I’m thinking about is saying nothing to her at all. Let her realize what time it is and panic about how she is getting to school (since boy midget will have already departed). This might actually be an interesting experiment. I’ll keep you posted…


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