I’m not a hero

I don’t pretend to be one either.

This week is a typical one in terms of working, paying bills, running midgets to activities, and doing grade 4 French immersion homework.

I’m not a champion of women’s rights and I am not nearly informed and active enough in preventing their erosion. I’m also not showing up at an awards show with a guy who has beaten me bloody, after having given an interview about my love for him.

Why are women so stupid about relationships? Not just the famous whose opinions are given far more weight than necessary, but our social peers continually put the relationship ahead of everything else in their lives, including their own self-worth. We women white-knuckle our way through years of togetherness and yes I’m sure men do this too but I’m talking about women today. I’ve sort of had enough of this shit because lately I’ve seen a lot of it.

How can I make sure my girl midget doesn’t stay with a mean bastard while justifying his words and actions? He’s stressed, he’s tired, he had a bad day. Yes we all have those and yet I don’t make condescending disparaging remarks toward my partner. Never have done that. Always bent over backward to make situations more pleasant. Usually thought I had done something wrong or that I could cheer him up. I’m talking about every boyfriend I had until I met husband a few years ago.

I’m not the only woman who consistently acted/acts this way. I see it all around me and the worst part is that no amount of talking will change their situation. I’ve been on both sides of that discussion and it’s entirely unproductive. Even if you can get her to understand, our (women’s) conditioning runs so deeply that no changes are made. She eventually must realize in her own time what is really going on. She must first critically examine whether she is happy or if she is trying to convince herself.

There used to be a therapist’s office near my house and their signs out front were eye-catching. One day it said “when the pain of staying is more than the pain of leaving, it’s time to make a change.” Another day it said “is today the day you finally tell the truth?” I loved those signs. Such thought-provoking messages to consider during the drive home.

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