It’s the middle of the night and I’m listening to the snoring of husband. I love it; reminds me of waves crashing on the beach. He says he never knew he snored until I told him. I’m confident he had been snoring for years before we met.
Husband and I met during the first week of July in 2006, 1 year after I split from FH. At the point I was so jaded about marriage I was sure I would never get married again (spoiler alert) content to date into perpetuity regardless if I was to remain with 1 man or not. When I met husband I noticed right away he was very present. He paid attention and was interested in my opinions and life stories. He had been married for 18 years and had quite liked being married; nonetheless his marriage had ended as well.
I was not only jaded I was also skittish to the point I couldn’t admit to myself we were dating exclusively and I couldn’t even bring myself to call him my boyfriend for several months. But that he was. He doted on me and treated me like what I imagined people meant when they said ‘treated like a princess’. We were extremely infatuated with each other and we were also building something deeper. The experience was intoxicating and terrifying for me. He made me very happy and there was no denying it, much as I tried.
Husband is charming and charismatic, with a voice so attractive he should be the man on the radio station who hosts a romantic song night. All love songs all the time.
After a year together I discovered he had been dishonest about his past and present in ways that devastated me and shook my faith so much that I completely kicked him out of my life. Surprisingly many of the lies were inconsequential and so I was angry that he felt the need to lie about such things. Of course being a suspicious person by nature I also wondered what the hell else he was hiding and I was crushed that he would be anything less than honest with me. I had by that time put my complete trust in him and I wrongly assumed he was acting the same way. It wasn’t just the lying; it was that he felt he needed to do so. I felt insulted.
Eventually we reunited. We were so damned good together we couldn’t and didn’t want to stay apart. My life was easier and better with him in it, by a factor of a million. I told him over and over he is enough for me just the way he is. He was absolutely floored by this statement. He says no one else had ever said that to him and his whole life he has never trusted so completely- himself and his partner. His mistrust of himself was so deeply ingrained that we went through this cycle a few more times until he finally learned to trust me completely and without reservation. I had to learn how to trust him again as well.
I love love love him for who he is right now; I do not need him to improve. Our relationship is wonderful and I say that without any caveats. I don’t WANT a work in progress. Glad I didn’t marry one!
By the time we got married (a miracle in itself and yes I’m using the term miracle here), he was always honest with me and I always trusted him. I’m just as surprised as anyone that we succeeded, given the ups and downs we (and our children) went through, but we did. Definitely did. When you know you have the unequivocal trust of your partner to be yourself and make correct life decisions, you are an unstoppable force.
I had told one of my best friends that if I ever got engaged she should punch me in the face. Very glad she didn’t do this. Our engagement is a good story for another time.