We should get married.

Whaaaaat?!! Did I just say that?! Maybe if I quickly suck in all the air around my face I can take back that awkward declaration. Especially after I saw the look on Husband’s face, around the eye area.

Husband (boyfriend at the time) and I had just been through another catastrophic break up following a discovery of blatant dishonesty on his part and distrust on mine.

Every Monday (I think, it’s been a long time might have been every Wednesday) I took my midgets to McDonald’s for dinner after which they would jump around in the Playplace while I read a novel in peace. On this Monday evening while we were sitting at a table eating, Husband quietly walked over and sat down with us. My shock was such that my body reacted with a jolt. I was speechless. The midgets were too. No one said anything for a few seconds. Then I told the midgets to run off and play while I talked to Husband. I don’t remember exactly what was said. I felt so strange to see him in person since we had ended our relationship so dramatically a few weeks prior. After a few minutes of stumbling awkward conversation during which my face felt very hot, I told him we couldn’t go on like this — breaking up and getting back together — and that we needed to make a committment one way or another and stick with it. We loved each other dearly and even more important, we liked each other and enjoyed spending all of our time together. (Boy midget once asked me if Husband and I ever argue since he had never seen any evidence of this.) I could go on about why we are so great together and justify why we decided to jump in with both feet, but I could also argue a case against us getting married, so why bother?)

The next morning we met at our favourite breakfast place in our neighbourhood and it was there that my brain made a decision for me and blurted out the statement in this post’s title. Right after I said this we were both quiet for a minute or 2, privately considering the gravity of my proposal. Husband then said “Yes, it makes perfect sense to me.” Funnily enough, this conversation took place on April 1. Because I’m such a prankster, when we told my midgets on April 2, Boy midget didn’t believe us at first. Girl midget was thrilled to say the least. Huge smile. I don’t know what Husband’s midgets thought about it since he told them on the phone, but overall I think shock and happiness ruled the day.

Then came the tricky part, telling my parents and my friends. See, I had long and loudly proclaimed that I would NEVER, under ANY circumstances, get married again. I had all of my arguments carefully lined up and nearly had myself convinced. (I have learned to never say never ever again. Turns out I change my mind sometimes.) My parents were happy for me as were my very good friend Margie and our caregiver/good friend Gaby. (These 2 went on to inform me they were going to be in my wedding party, which until that point I hadn’t considered having.) Margie, as it turns out, was hoping this would be the conclusion I would reach on my own, that Husband and I were made for each other. Other friends who had witnessed and stood by me while I broke up with Husband (especially that last huge break up/down) were a lot more cautious and I understood that. In the end they trusted my judgement and threw their support behind this partnership. It’s important for your friends and family to believe in your marriage choice. Obviously. Anyone reading this who is or has been in a serious committed relationship knows this.

Our wedding took place 3 months later; it’s amazing how quickly you can pull together a wedding ceremony and celebration. Compare this to my first engagement that lasted 15 months. The planning for that one was painstaking, attempting to have a ‘perfect’ day and please everyone. This time we kept it very small and intimate. In fact we would have eloped but for the sake of our children and parents we thought we should have a significant ceremony that involved everyone to formalize the occasion. Getting married and having our children in the wedding procession was a bizarre experience. First marriages involved people wondering how your future will go, how many children you will have, and many other ‘firsts’. Second marriage ceremonies seem to be about celebrating finding the ‘right’ person now that you have grown up. Husband and I often catalog our lives and wonder if we could have met earlier in life. But we couldn’t have. And if we had, without having done a lot of individual work following our first marriage breakups, and had gone through the growing pains of having children together, we wouldn’t be the same couple. We would hopefully still be happily together at this point, but our relationship would of course be different from how it is now. Our children would be completely different people, and that’s no fun. We are very pleased with the people we have created with our former spouses 🙂


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