The Problem I Want to Have

We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

—Galway Kinnell


Sieze the Day! Bite me!

I just got back from a short trip to Marshall’s, which happens to be very close to my office job. The benefits of having a fun shopping destination nearby are numerous, including buying last-minute birthday gifts and school stuff, etc. etc. etc.

I perused the Home department, full of lovely pillows, photo frames, pet accessories and wall canvases. I don’t know how else to describe the ‘pithy’ word art that’s for sale. One such series tells the reader to Seize the Day, Live Each Moment to its Fullest, Be Your Best Self Every Day. Well, to that I say, Bite me. Actually, years of elementary school, high school, university, and general living on the grid, my creativity is all but beaten out of me. Nose to the grindstone is what we are usually told to do, just keep that head down and eventually you will be rewarded for your banal, unrelenting, unending workdays. Wiiiith what?

And then we have the gall to put this artwork on our walls, as IF these sayings have inspired us to great heights of the human condition?! No no no. We don’t take these sayings seriously. Even the get rich gurus don’t believe these sayings even if they spout them regularly. If they did, they would follow their own advice. Instead they work away in obscurity for years. They are not seizing their day and neither is anyone else over the age of 5.

In other news, our house remains on the market, along with a bunch of other ones. Mwah.

changing the course

I have read a few books on how to gain financial independence from people who are supposed to know how it’s done. Some of the advice is useful for sure, and nearly all of them say to leverage whatever financial assets you have, to advance your goals.

One of the pieces of advice that inevitably comes up concerns your housing cost; how to reduce it, how to use your equity to your advantage, etc. I am prepared to use all of the tools available to me, and so husband and I agreed we should sell our house and bank the equity so that we could in turn invest in something else.

The books gloss over all the details about uprooting one’s family, including the buying and selling of property, staging one’s house to look like a hotel every morning, desperately checking email to see if there are any appointments to view our house that day.

I’m not going to gloss over this. I have read many biographies of successful entrepreneurs and they share a few things in common: they all have perfectly ordinary childhoods and early adulthood; they all have supportive wives who take care of the kidlets while man is off breaking new ground; and everyone around them thinks they’re crazy. I would love to read a book written from the perspective of the wife or kids. Or even from a man who can be honest about the stress he put his family and himself through. Frankly I think most successful men forget about the stress because they are focussed on their goal. But I’m a woman, a mother at that, and I always think about the psyches of my little ones (and not so little ones).

So I try to strike a compromise between my own ambition and the needs of my family. As a result I try to do everything myself. And then I become short-tempered and generally impatient toward, well, everyone else. I’m hoping this phase will be short-lived, because honestly I’m tired of the limbo, tired of being the glue, tired of being the crusader. This is why we often stay in our jobs, homes, marriage, countries, etc. Change is too uncomfortable, too hard. Big discovery there, huh?