The heart wants what it wants

Today my heart wanted to crochet all day. I’m off work at the moment so that helps the crochet obsession, increasing it, that is.

However. Today I made another Barbie dress that I call The Canadian, simply because it’s red and white. Girl midget is able to crochet but it’s difficult to explain patterns to her. This is too bad for me because of course she wants to do whatever I’m doing. I have tried working through a pattern with her and at some point I always end up taking over. That situation isn’t optimal but it is inevitable.

My stepdad used to crochet when he was a boy, due to growing up in Montana where there was a lot of snow and long winters. My mom of course can crochet as well, because she is the Queen of Domestic Arts. I am merely a smaller imitation, in terms of knowledge and talent. If I were a lesser person I might be jealous of her skills.

I’m currently at a neighborhood cafe having my alone time. This is a ritual I’ve come to rely on and recently husband has discovered how peaceful is my morning routine of beach + iced coffee.

Tomorrow I return to my love and my life, sans girl midget. She will remain with my mom for an extended visit and then fly home. I have enjoyed this relaxing respite. Life here isn’t much different than the one I lead, except I go to work on weekdays. If the heat had been less intense this week I’m sure I would have found myself out on morning walks with my mom.

Yesterday we visited my grandma and took her to a doctor’s appointment at the local hospital. Grandma is quite a handful with her needs and demands. She is also lonely and no matter how many visits she receives they are never enough to satisfy. And so she does what she needs to, to get ever more focus and attention onto herself. I understand, as much as I can. She is also elderly and can’t remember or process as much info as she used to. But I do believe she is a lovable drama queen.

I hear grandma’s voice and think of happy times I have had with her over the years. She doesn’t even look that different to me even though she has aged a great deal. I guess children always think old people look very old. I’m committed to visiting her this winter when my parents are away. It’s funny, many people mistakenly think I’m just patient and kind. Little do they know I also don’t put up with bullshit. Should be an interesting year…


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