Stereo

Stereotypical mid-40s woman:

Glass of red
Yoga mat (perhaps dusty)
Recipes in books and in her head
Running list of foods her offspring love and despise
Greys (clothing, hair)
Life written on her face
Easy laugh that comes from perspective and self-deprecation
Acceptance of what is and what is not
Purposeful gaze
Nearly wise but still learning hard lessons
Yearning for offspring independence but
Spilling last minute life to do lists into their ears before it’s too late
Setting her needs aside, but only temporarily because she has learned that most things in life are temporary

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An exercise in frustration for everybody

I am a terrible cook now.

For the past year I have been re-learning how to cook, due to becoming vegan after being vegetarian for about 20 yrs. For many years I have been the ‘different’ one in my immediate family. If anyone was going to go through life looking at unique points of view and metaphorical alternative routes, that would be me. I fully embrace my role in my family and I don’t care anymore what anyone thinks, up to a certain point anyway. I was pretty great at creating meals using dairy and eggs, but oh no that would be too easy to continue that way. Now I am (trying valiantly) learning how to construct well-rounded meals with only plants and grains.

I have a few really great cookbooks. I read a lot of tips and tricks online. I have a vegan stepdaughter who has given helpful advice. I’m enthusiastic, even!

I suck. I just do. I hate that I can’t get the hang of this!

Weekends are the worst because what am I supposed to do, eat out every meal with my family? During the week the babysitter feeds them lunch, and I’ve managed to keep breakfast foods in the house (although there’s no cow’s milk in our house anymore, which is a hardship for some residents). So there’s just dinner to worry about.

Don’t bother wasting your energy trying to help me. After more than a year of intense reading and practice, I f*cking give up at least for now. If there’s anything I know about myself, it’s that I throw myself into whatever my latest interests are. I feel like I gave this lifestyle change a complete effort. Husband has said he’s going to try to cook more (this means more meat). Meanwhile he works 6 days a week, so I don’t know how realistic a statement this is.

I can’t provide an attractive alternative, so I’m going to keep quiet for how. Time to regroup.

It’s Friday

Thank f*ck.

I actually don’t dislike my job right now. I feel lucky when I’m walking into our office building, fortunate to have landed a regular job as I had hoped to while in my 20s. Believe it or not I used to yearn for a cube job, not just for the job but what it represented to me: adulthood and all its trappings.

Mostly though I feel indifferent toward my Monday to Friday post. Of course I know I would be up the proverbial shit creek without said paddle without it, but honestly I’m fairly bored. My main motivation to be there is money, second is the significant amount of friends I have amassed while at my current employer.

A few months ago I was pretty gung-ho about finding a new place to work, but I’ve abandoned that plan for now. Or rather that plan has abandoned moi. Jobs such as mine are hard to come by. One would think as a result I would be more enthusiastic about my daily toil but this is not the case. I remember when I used to get excited to discuss fonts (obvs my deep understanding of kerning let me effectively participate in such a discussion).

These days I’m happiest to don my company-issued lanyard when I know I’ll get to see some work friends and my latest project doesn’t require me to work with a douchebag. It’s the little things, no?

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