Yes my family and friends read this blog. For this reason, I protect some of my posts with a password. This might lead one to wonder why I bother writing something if I don’t want anyone else to read it. I wonder that myself. The problem with this set up is that sometimes I don’t write exactly how I feel, because that has caused and would continue to cause hurt feelings.
Text is very flat; there isn’t any emotion attached to it, and of course no facial expressions either. Misinterpretation is enough of a problem face-to-face, nevermind in written form. I try to maintain a healthy balance between tact and brutal honesty; interesting vs. inflammatory and meriting further discussion/damage control; a window into my thoughts of the moment vs. concern for my mental health.
This morning I walked my large dog along with my son and his dog that he has at his dad’s house. We are a modern family, for we are dogsitting my ex-husband’s dog while ex-husband is away on vacation. Anyhoo, boy midget and I often have discussions during these walks, during which I attempt valiantly to impart some wisdom gained through my many mistakes throughout my maturing process. These conversations emerge organically. Today we walked and talked about the idea of boyfriends & girlfriends (or boyfriend & boyfriend/girlfriend & girlfriend) moving in together instead of getting married. I said it’s important not to move in together unless you are getting married, because living together creates complacency, and then you end up getting married because you have been together a long time and so it feels like the next logical step ‘forward.’ Marriage isn’t always a step forward for cohabiting couples.
When you live together without being married, you overlook major flaws and conflicts that need to be examined (when you live together as a married couple, it’s imperative that you overlook minor flaws). It’s difficult to move out after having moved in: logistically; emotionally; logically even. It doesn’t make sense, if you are continuing the relationship, that one party would move out.
When I was dating Husband, he moved in with me. I know, I know! I had previously sworn off cohabitation, but I was in love and this seemed like the right thing to do. About 6 months later though, I decided we should not be living together and so he moved out. This was really hard on all of us, and felt like a step backward. It wasn’t though. By forcing him to get his own place, he couldn’t hide from his issues anymore, and neither could I. We each had to face our weak spots, our chinks in our armour, without the protective umbrella of domesticity and all that that entails. We still spent plenty of time together, but healthy boundaries were drawn. Independence was preserved without any hurt feelings or negotiation. Cohabitation, to me, seems like a half-measure and can be chalked up to convenience if a less-than-committed person is backed into a corner during a ‘Where this relationship is going?’ conversation.
Boy midget and I also talked about listening to one’s inner voice, no matter how much external pressure you are receiving from others. Even boy midget sees that if you have any doubts about the marriage before hand, you should definitely not go through with it. Alas, he has never been in love, and his life is so black and white at his age. I just hope he continues to listen to himself as he gets older. I will be there to prompt him as much as possible.
Boy midget is turning into a sullen, defensive, slovenly teen boy. I mostly don’t notice unless other people are around. I mostly let him be, and ask for his help when I need it. I know he needs to go through this phase, and I hope we can all emerge unscathed in a few years. As for girl midget, I’m scared. Yes she is a sweet 11-yr old, but I just watched Uncle Buck over the holidays. If that teen girl doesn’t give you raisin bag, you’re not watching closely enough.