Thanks dear

Is it just me who gets offended when some men call me dear?

These men calling me dear are NOT:
Related to me through blood, marriage, or friendship.
Older than 70 years.

These men ARE:
Hired by me, paid by me & husband.

I talked to husband about this phenomenon last night. I surmised he must have been outright dismissed for being the wrong sex, among women. I myself have dismissed a man with the wave of my hand and a scoff, for having the gall to suppose he knows what it’s like to grow and birth a human, then feed said human from one’s body. So I’m guilty of being dismissive as well.

It’s among male trades people who I’m dismissed for being a woman, for lacking the customs with which men feel most comfortable (the handshakes, the stance, the jocularity that lacks any sort of sexual tension, the implied knowledge of tools, motors, finances, and hard physical work). Do some men really think that being a mother is physically easy?

(I’ll be the first to admit I’m not mechanically inclined. Hell, I’m DISinclined at the best of times. I’m sorry, what? You want me to assemble a piece of furniture? How about I drink a Strongbow instead?)

However! I know a lot about home renos, having lived through a 7-year reno of my own, during which I birthed 2 babies. At one point when my first baby was 8 months old, I was without a kitchen for about 3 weeks. The fridge was in the living room and we had no sink.

In short I have demolished a brick fireplace and various walls, patched, painted, lugged bags of cement powder, inhaled my share of drywall dust, dug post holes, dug footings, mixed cement, drilled holes, and I know way too much about wood finishes. When a tradesman tries to gloss over or mislead me about a job, I usually let him speak and then tell him I know he is bullshitting me. Nicely, of course.

The latest incident during which I was dismissed, the painter actually listened to my request for putting a semi-gloss on the window sills and doors (instead of a matte paint), and then purposely ignored my requests. I found out later when husband had the same conversation with him and the painter acted like this information was new. @#$% The work got done as we wished, and I’m going to stay focussed on that positive result.